Tex gave a whine and Signar rolled into a sitting position before he even opened his eyes. I gave him a second and then told him I wanted to leave within the hour. I washed my face in the basin and then got into my armor. I left the room before Signar was completely dressed and went out and ordered a simple breakfast. We ate in silence, though Signar kept looking at me, he would get some answers, but not today.
Soon as breakfast was eaten and the Inn Keeper handed me a packet of travel food we all went outside. I saddled my own horse and put my pack on her. I had told Signar that we would leave the horses in Whiterun and take the carriage to Morthal, then walk to the Barrow that the Greybeards Horn was in. But I changed my mind at that moment, we could leave the horses in Morthal.
I took a little-known pass over the mountain and came out closer to Whiterun than Signar had thought. It was harder on the Horses and I got off and walked the last bit up to the stables. I asked the stableman to feed both horses and rub them down, but to re-saddle them, as we would be leaving.
I took my saddlebag's off and headed to the market across from the stable instead of the one inside the town, there was less choice, but that was fine. We had lunch at the small tavern next to the stables and then we were off. I had a camping spot picked out from memory, it was a good area that hunters had used in the past. It proved to be a good place to stop for the night, as the hunter was there and didn't mind if we put out bedrolls under the overhang with his.
I awoke the next morning with the same feeling of an impending storm, my restlessness transferred to Alaris, who pranced and sidled, instead of walking in a straight line. I did not scold her as I knew my emotional state had transferred to her. I let her travel at the speed she wished, which seemed to be a ground-eating canter, though I slowed her and got off and walked now and then.
I took us through another mountain pass, this one lower, and found a river valley where I intended to stop for a day or so in. It was a defensible area, but I didn't really think it would be needed. Whatever was coming was not close and I needed to deal with the emotions that threatened to get out of hand.
I stopped in a spot that was near a grove of trees and the river, but not too close to either one, and asked Signar to set up our tent. I asked Tex to come with me to gather some wood. When I got back to camp it was all set up, with a small fire that we could add more wood to later.
I paced or stalked around camp.. I could not sit, I could not stand still... I felt like screaming and yet all I sought was some peace and quiet. Signar watched me with a too-blank expression on his face, so I knew there were some thoughts behind his bright blue eyes. I walked away from camp and then quickly back and stopped right in front of him.
"I don't know where to start, so, I will start at the very beginning. I will answer any question I can, but please let me get it all out first" I proceeded to tell him my family history, about the assassins and why, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I started in on the Blood Curse ... It was deep into the night before I finished with a sketchy outline of my personal history, much of it left out because I felt he would ask anything he wished to know the details of.
When I finished speaking he was looking down at his large calloused hands, with a contemplative look on his face. I had finally sat down on a stump near the fire, but I still had a restless urge to get up and run. When he finally looked up, it was with a sad look in his eyes.
"How old, no, how long have you been doing this?" His face and voice were neutral and I was glad of that.
" I do not remember the exact year of my birth, but I do know it was before the Dragon Wars. Dragons did not fly freely in my youth, though there were some around." I sighed deeply and thought for a minute, " I was one of Harald's advisers, though he had many friends that got more recognition, you see that is the way it has mostly been. I have always been in the background, never the focus of historical events. "
He looked back down at his hands and then rolled his shoulders as he looked back up at me. " You are the Hero of Kvatch." It was a statement not a question, but I nodded yes anyway, then looked down and away. I heard the creak and jingle of his armor as he stood up and walked over to me, then knelt close enough to turn my face with a careful finger, so that I was looking at him again.
" You loved him." again it was a statement and not a question, but I nodded and I felt my eyes tear up. I looked up at him through tear-blurred eyes, the grief I had hidden before must have been plain on my face.
"You have never had a chance to grieve, just thrust into another world-changing event", his voice was low and was as much to himself as to me. He shifted again so that he was sitting next to me. " I can not imagine, how you must feel, I lost my wife and it nearly destroyed me, but I had friends and family around to help." His arm around me was a warm comfort that I had not even known I really wanted, as I turned my face into his chest and felt his other arm around my back. I had the very irrelevant thought about being glad he was wearing his travel leathers and not his normal plate steel armor.
I felt the tears leaking down my face and then sobs choked me as they escaped. I do not know how long I cried on Signar's shoulder, but I do remember being surrounded by his warmth and feeling a cold tongue lick my arm. I cried myself to sleep, something I had never done in all my time.
I woke the next morning with a blinding headache, my nose stopped up and my eyes were all itchy. The feeling of a storm approaching had not faded, but I felt my mind more at rest. I turned my head and looked at Signar, he was still snoring lightly, so I got up quietly and walked down to the river. Stripping off my clothes I jumped in the ice-cold water, I yelped and raced right back out. There sitting on the bank with his tongue lolling out and laughter in his eyes was Tex, towel at his feet. I grabbed the towel and started drying off, telling Tex that had he been a really good friend he would have made me a cup of hot soup or mead or something. He barked softly at me and then got up to wander back to the fire.
I wrapped the damp towel around me and walked back into the tent and grabbed my hunting leathers, my armor would need repair and some cleaning. As I got dressed I thought back to the night before and realized I had not really told Signar too many personal details, but he had figured some things out on his own. We could talk more today and I would try not to break down and cry like a baby again. Tomorrow we would set out to retrieve the Horn.
~~~~~
The long trip back to the Nightgate Inn was plenty of time to think about what I needed to do. It was coming down to Her life or mine, I much preferred my life over hers. I needed the bounty to disappear, to make it so that I would never have to work again. I was not lazy, just tired of killing. One last life, one last death on my conscience, or what passed for one.
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