He asked if we were going to go there, I shook my head but said, yes, but not till after we take care of the tree for Danica. We put our packs on the horses, along with the camping gear, it would take a few days to get to Darkwater Crossing. Tex took the lead and Signar trailed at the end, leading the horses.
After the second pack of wolves attacked us and Maurice looked unhappy at their deaths, I started using a calming spell on the animals that decided to attack. Thankfully there were no large packs and I could handle the creatures one or two at a time. We made it to Darkwater Crossing late the next afternoon, right in time to help the guards with a dragon that was attacking.
My magic's near exhausted, from the last fight with a bear and her cubs, I used my staff to summon a deadra and got lucky with the Golden Saint that answered. She pulled her bow and let arrows fly, I was not far behind her with a summoned bow. Maurice and Tex were both under a rocky overhang, which was a good thing as this dragon was spitting fire.
It was a long and arduous fight, but when the dragon finally crashed onto the ground behind the Inn, Signar and the guards had it dispatched before I could get there. I did absorb the soul of the dragon and might have felt slightly sorry for the creature if he had not attacked us.
We helped with putting out the fires, even Tex carried buckets of water for people to throw on the burning thatch. My one and only attempt at using magic to put out the fire, a snowstorm spell, worked but had me flat on my back with a bleeding nose that let me know I had overextended myself. I lay there on the ground with Tex watching over me, until Signar came and picked me up, to carry me to the tent that he had just pitched.
He knelt down on my bedroll but did not set me down completely. "My Lady, I".. I did not let him finish but placed the fingers of the hand not holding the bloody rag to my nose, against his lips.
This time he kissed my fingers and then pulled my hand away, looking down into my eyes.
"My Lady, memories are only what you make of them and for you, they are almost all that you have. I might end up a bitter-sweet memory in your next life, but it is a memory that you would have. Would you trade the memories of the love you and Martin shared for no memory at all? " I felt my heart contract, to not have those memories, to not have the deep friendship, the love, even the pain of losing him, I could not imagine. He must have seen something in my eye's for he continued.
"I too would have memories, My Lady, I would not for all the pain that came later, have wished not to know my wife. The day I found her broken body, my heart was ripped from my chest. But I would not change a minute of the time we had, those memories of her in happier times. As much as the thought of losing you pains me and I know it will come sooner or later, once your task is done. I already cherish the memories of our time together. If you have no feelings for me other than those of friendship, I can understand and I will live with that, but if you find your feelings run as deep as mine, then do not hide them."
I turned my cheek against the cold plate steel of his armor, it felt good against my overheated skin. I raised my hand back up to his face, this time running my fingers along his jawline, a week's growth of beard tickling my fingertips. I tipped my head back up so that I could look into his eyes again. I felt ridiculous holding the bloody rag to my nose and trying to have a serious conversation.
He shifted both of us to a more comfortable position, he sitting propped up against a saddle, me with my back against his upraised leg, my side against his chest.. I was not even holding my own head up really, I felt weak as a newborn. He put his hand over mine and turned his head to kiss the palm of my hand, my heart melted and I parted my lips to speak when.
There was a disturbance at the tent entrance and Tex walked in, followed by a "Are you decent?" from Maurice. He and a woman walked into the tent. " I thought you might need a healer, so when the worst of the injured were taken care of I brought her here."
The woman walked over and knelt next to the two of us. "You overextended your magic?" at my nod she continued, " Your head is pounding, eyes won't focus, feel weak and boneless?" I again nodded and she dug into her bag. "Ok, I'm going to use a small healing spell that will help with the pounding in your head and make up a tea that will help with everything else. You won't be up and around today, maybe not even tomorrow, but your nose will stop bleeding and you can heal over a couple of days. If you gentlemen would go outside, fetch some hot water, I will get the Lady cleaned up and into something more comfortable than charred leathers. " Signar got up and gently laid me back against the saddle that he had been propped upon.
He said he would be right back with some hot water, though I am not sure where he had planned on getting it from. He was back fairly quickly and had a kettle that was steaming and a bucket that sloshed when he bent to come through the tent opening. Maurice did not come back in with him, nor as it happens did Tex. He looked at the healer and told her he would be right outside if she needed any help and with that grabbed a pack and left the tent.
After using the spell, the Healer waited a moment or two and then took the bloody rag from my nose. She tipped my head toward the light, I winced but didn't turn my head away. She nodded to herself and said that the bleeding had stopped and was the thumping going away? I nodded yes again and she bustled about fixing the tea. She asked which was my pack and then picked mine as if my name was written on it. Before she opened it, she brought it over and placed it on the ground where I would see what she was doing.
She helped me clean up, well really she bathed me like I was an infant, I could barely move my own body. Then dressed me in a loose shift that I generally wore under another dress. She tsk'd and got the tea and helped me down part of it. She covered me with a blanket and then called for Signar to come back in.
He walked through the opening and looked at me quickly then back at her. I lay there with my eyes closed, listening to the directions she was giving him. I felt a complete fool, all those calming spells when I would have been much better off, using a bow. I sure wouldn't be in this predicament. I opened my eyes and watched him walk around the tent, without the heavy plate steal, he had the grace of a large cat stalking its prey. He came over and settled on the ground next to me, staring at me with brooding eyes.
I tried lifting my hand so that I could grab his, I wanted to tell him how I felt. My hand barely fluttered and I made an effort to move my legs and found that I could not. I started panicking, had the healer given me a poison that I could not move, I knew I was weak, but I had never been this weak before. I made a strangled sound in my throat and Signar must have seen the panicked expression on my face because he picked me back up and held me tight in his arms.
"Shh My Lady, the healer said that the tea she gave you would relax your body and make you more umm woozy. I won't let anything happen to you." He tucked my head under his chin and covered us with a blanket. His hand rubbing my back in a soothing way, I allowed myself to drift with the medicines that she had given me, into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning I woke, feeling the rise and fall of Signar's chest, hearing his steady breathing, the slow steady beat of his heart. I lay there relaxed, thinking about what I would say to him. He was right, the only things I really had are my memories and my necklace. But how did I really feel about him, was it love or just need. I heaved a sigh and then felt my pillow rumble with laughter.
"Deep thoughts My Lady?" I looked up at his laughing blue eyes and felt whimsy take me.
"Oh I was just wondering how my bed would feel as a blanket, I mean it's awfully warm but rather hard and lumpy". He blinked, then a wide smile split his face, as he moved the hand that had been holding mine on his chest to the center of my back. The next thing I knew I was staring up into his eye's as I lay flat on my back.
"Lumpy huh?" He lowered his face to mine until his nose was touching mine, I knew most of his weight was resting on his arms and knees, but he was much heavier than I had thought. "So, do I make a good blanket?"
I tipped my head slightly so that our lips met and said, " No, you're too damn heavy". He deepened the kiss for a moment and then levered himself up and stood beside our makeshift bed.
"Drink your tea and get some more rest, Maurice and I are going to help make repairs to the village" He turned to walk away, then stopped, " We will speak later, My Lady". With that, he ducked out of the tent.
I picked up the tea that was next to my bed and took a sip... gah! The stuff was even nastier cold. Nothing for it though, I took a huge breath then downed it all in one gulp, then stuffed a couple of the snowberries that had been left on a plate into my mouth, biting into them one by one till they covered the flavor of the tea.
I lay there staring at the top of the tent, I wasn't particularly thinking of anything, just letting my thoughts drift. I never could make good decisions when drinking or taking medications, so other than letting the thoughts flit through my head and looking at them, I didn't make any choices that I might regret later.
Two days later we were on our way to the Eldergleam, Signar insisted I ride and not fight if something showed up. I grimaced but knew he was right, I still didn't have the strength. It was very odd, I had never overused my magic in this way before.
It was a beautiful cavern with waterfalls and the tree inside outlined by the rays of the sun coming through holes in the roof of the cavern. Many pilgrims were sitting in various places around. I could feel how special this place was, and why the followers of Kynareth found it holy. I asked Maurice if there wasn't a better way than using a profane weapon on a Holy symbol to a Divine to help the tree back in Whiterun.
He managed to get the Eldergleam to give us a new sapling to replace the tree. I thought this was a much better idea and thanked him. We headed back to Whiterun that day. I was deep in thought most of the day, unfortunately probably not on the topic most on Signar's mind. It was important of course, to both of us, but I was troubled by the thought that my magic seemed to be weaker than it used to be in the past.
When we got to Whiterun I paid the stableman to care for the horses and have his son deliver our bags to the house. Signar just looked at me, as I picked up the sapling and headed to speak to Danica. I needed to think, but I was so confused. I turned back around and walked up to him, stopping only when the sapling made it impossible to get any closer. I shifted the plant to my hip and put my hand on his cheek, then inched it behind his head, drawing his face down to mine. I kissed his lips softly, saying " I had not forgotten that we need to talk about us. I... there is something, something .. I have this pressure in my head saying that a storm is coming, but it's not the weather. I need you with me, I can't tackle this by myself. But there is something else, something I know, but it's like standing too close to a tree and not being able to see the forest around me."
He looked at me and kissed me back, taking the sapling from me, and said. " As long I can stay by your side, I am happy to let things be for a short time. Just do not say or do anything that you don't mean. " he leaned back down and put his lips to my ear. "You have my heart in your hands, My Lady, have care of it." With that, he strode up to the gate. I stood there stunned for a moment and then wondered why cause it wasn't like he had been overly subtle about his feelings. I guess hearing the words, was different than just presuming.
Danica thanked us nicely and went off to care for the new tree. I would inquire of her if she might ask the Lady Kynareth of a cure for my curse when she was less busy. I also thought for a moment to go and speak with Farengar, but wizard though he was, he was not really old enough to have felt the ebb and wane of his magic over the course of years. What I really needed was a Dunmer or Altmer mage, either might know the answer to my problem, but I did not know any well enough to ask though.
Heading back to Breezehome I looked around for Tex and didn't see him. I looked over my shoulder at Signar and asked him had he seen the hound. He shook his head and said that Tex had run off across the tundra once we had turned on the road into Whiterun. I shrugged he would be back when he had his fill of chasing rabbits.
I had looked at my armor but it was complete toast, nothing was really salvageable. So I would need something more durable than simple leather if I were to continue fighting dragons. I had some old armor that I might be able to work into something stronger, but I really didn't have the strength to smith, something like what I really needed. A set of leathers and a steel plate cuirass, that I might be able to combine into an armor that would work for my style.
I worked on my armor and watched for Tex to come back over the next few days. I had a new bedmate, though Signar did nothing more than hold me. I was thankful for that, but even I started to want more but knew that it would be unfair until such a time as I could come to a decision about our relationship. Too many things were flitting through my mind, too many problems with no answers.
Then I woke in the middle of the night and at least one of my questions was answered. It didn't really matter, what would happen, the here and now is what really mattered. I had really been very obtuse, not thinking, I had a man that genuinely loved me and my feelings for him were just as strong. He was right, any pain that might be felt in the future was not worth not having good memories now.
I stood up and went to the small jewelry box that sat on the night table, most were trinkets and other things that I kept for presents to friends... an old habit. But I felt around for the distinct filigree work on one of the necklaces. When I found it, I put it on and then lit a couple candles with a small magic spell, took off my gown, and then crawled back onto the bed, sitting with my lower legs under me. I leaned forward and put my lips next to Signar's ear. I ran my fingernail right down the middle of his spine and blew softly in his ear at the same time. It had the desired effect, only more so, I was again flat on my back, with his chest crushing my breasts. He must have caught a glint of gold in the candlelight because he leaned back and picked up the necklace and then dropped it back on my chest with a wide smile... no words were necessary or used the rest of the night.
~~~~~~~~~
The black hound lay in the dappled sunlight near the Shrine, he had an air as if waiting, had already been there for a day. When a man in antiquated armor walked out of the deepest shadows, he stood. The man glanced around then his gaze settled on the place the hound had been and a huge man with a battle-scared body stood instead.
"So what are our chances? " The huge man rubbed a scar on his chest, and rolled his wide shoulders, getting a distant look on his face.
"Better than even now, she is making better choices, plus she has found something to live for." The other man looked sharply at him.
"That was in doubt? "
"The human mind is a frail thing, some of her sisters gave up, she was close. Having her come back again and again and placing her head on a chopping block might not be the best way to keep her sane. She has thought more than once of volunteering for the block first."
"Would she do that now, you said she has something to live for."
"No, I think not. She has a high sense of duty. As long as there are people she thinks are dependent on her, she will do the job we push her towards."
The armor-clad man looked towards Whiterun, "So much on so frail a woman"
"It's not the first time and the last she had no help". He rubbed the scar on his neck and indicated himself and others.
"That's a rather ironic form you chose".
The huge man snorted and then laughed. " Do they not call me your guard dog?".
"Among other things, yes. " With that, he turned and walked into the deepest shadows and was no longer there. Crystal blue eyes had watched him depart, then turned to lope back to Whiterun, catching a rabbit along the way. It was, after all, expected.
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